Wednesday, March 30, 2011

All good things happen to those who...steal gas

Okay, so I didn't really steal gas yesterday. I did however have to go into the gas station to talk to Steve. (brother of Brian previously mentioned in Hot-dog, and Pretzel posts) While in the gas station discussing yesterdays crime of the day, Steve then became my favorite person of all time when he gave me...
Are you sitting down?


This AWESOME Nacho-Maker along with a years supply of happy processed cheese.

Oh yes, Dave and I were still eating nachos at 10:00 p.m.

I also debated having them for breakfast but the ever popular Hostess cupcake won out.

When I called my mom yesterday to share in my Nacho-Joy, she said
"Shame on you, for manipulating this poor family into giving you all these things."
First of all, is it my fault that there are kind, giving people out there who simply want to make my life happy and full of meaning? In turn, they know that I will share the joy, and make others happy for years to come. If you think about it, it was really the Christian thing to do. So manipulation obviously has nothing to do with it.

I think you should all go and try to steal gas today and see what happens.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

March Madness in Montana

When Dave and I were first married, we made a deal that I could have total access to any basketball game in the month of March. In return, Dave could watch Star-Trek every Friday night when we were home. What made this plan totally brilliant is that Star-trek only lasted another 4 seasons because, let's face it, who really watches Star-trek? Anyway, it's 10 years later and I still get to watch basketball as much as I want. What is even better is now we have the miraculous discovery of DVR which means at one time I had 20+ hours recorded to watch whenever I wanted.

Other things that have made this month of March seem a little mad:

1. Dave had the Mad protesters yelling at him in Washington D.C. this week. (We don't get a lot of protesters here, except the crazy gun people.")

2. Ben was Mad when Jimmer lost, but happy when his Jimmer-Car was a 3rd place winner at the Pine-Wood Derby.

3. One of my favorite gas-station families was Mad yesterday when they thought I tried to steal gas by filling my tank and speeding off to Missoula. Okay, so maybe they weren't really mad, just more amused. Do not fear, I have my bank statement to prove I paid for my gas. Maybe they think, "Hey, she has already stolen a pretzel maker, and guilted us into to giving her a hot-dog roller, maybe she should get her gas for free!"

4. Finally, Jonny's kindergarten teacher is going to let me show off my Mad skills, and host a Carnival for the kindergarten this week. (Baby steps)

I would have to say it's been a very happy Mad month.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The War against Beans

I am convinced that when you are the youngest in your family you learn as much from your older siblings as you do your parents-- like you should never have to eat anything you don't want to.
Example: I hate fuzzy green beans. You all know when you bottle green beans instead of eating the happy canned green beans they turn all fuzzy and gross. So, in my younger years at the Hatch house, I followed my older siblings example and never ate them. We had a process that we followed.
1. While we distracted mom, Jason would get up and grab a Ziploc bag from the drawer.
2. With our feet, we would pass the bag from person to person (under the table of course) filling the bag with fuzzy beans until we all had our turn.
3. Jenny would fake a yawn while rocking back in her chair and discard the unwanted fuzziness into the garbage.

Lately, everyone who enters my house ends up carrying a bag of popcorn with them. So I did not find it odd that one of the Elders from our Church who we were feeding last night, had a bag by his plate. The upsetting part of the evening was when I went to put more popcorn into his bag. The look of horror on his face should have given me a clue that either he really didn't want any more popcorn, or there was a dark secret held inside the bag. If you guessed a secret, you were right. He was hiding my dinner at the bottom of his bag of popcorn. Obviously he also must have had older siblings to teach him the fundamental lessons in life.

Monday, March 21, 2011

You have to see this!

I totally forgot to add a picture of my happy new machine. I know you were all so disappointed I hadn't included one earlier today. Doesn't this make you want to come to Montana for a hot dog?
P.S. this picture was obviously taken before the recent hair cut.

If Brian calls don't answer the phone!

I have some extremely exciting news. I have wanted to share this for the last 2 months but I have been patiently waiting. When the announcement is a huge deal you are supposed to wait to share in case something goes wrong. Well, the wait is over...

I am the proud owner of a HOT DOG MACHINE!! Yes, you heard me right. I have always wanted a hot dog machine to add to my collection. Dave says I manipulated our friends Brian and April. Yes, the same Brian from who I stole the Pretzel Warmer, I just couldn't bring myself to give it back. Anyway I simply told Brian how much I have always wanted one, and he just happened to have one in storage. For the first month I feared he would change his mind and want it back so I decided I wouldn't answer if he called. I am sure that there is some return policy for getting back cool stuff when you might feel guilty into giving it to someone. I say your window of time lapses after two months.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Questions to ponder

Question #1
Why does Nathan go to a school that looks like it will fall over with a strong wind, yet for P.E. they bus them an hour up into the mountains to go skiing?

Question #2
Do I seem crazy to you? How come Jonny's kindergarten teacher won't let me volunteer in her class-room? She always responds by saying. "Oh, huh we are actually good right now." I find that highly unusual. Seriously, does she not know I own a Pretzel warmer?.....(I know, I know, I have not given it back yet.)

Question #3
How come the guy who delivers my mail comes in a jeep that looks like it was in a hit and run? Did that happen while delivering mail?

Question #4
In what planet does a small town high school musical cost $20 bucks to get into? I mean, it's not like Zac Efron is going to show up and say I was in the area hunting and thought I would share my gifts and perform tonight

Question #5
Why won't Jonny eat vegetables?
Answer: Last night at dinner he told me he's a vegetarian, and vegetarians can't eat peas.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I don't have picky eaters, they are just spoiled.

I totally blame Dave for my dinner gone wrong last night. Let's face it, he has spoiled our kids when it comes to the culinary arts.
Me: Do you want PB&J or mac and cheese for lunch?
Dave: Or we could do some Bruschetta and a little antipasto platter.

I had a really rough day yesterday. We all were rushing to be somewhere by 7:00 p.m. so I didn't think I had crossed the line of neglect when I simply popped some fish sticks and tater tots into the oven. I know, it's not awe inspiring or anything but seriously. once in a while it's ok.


Nate: Uhh, I don't think I like this dinner (then seeing the look on my face) uh, but I am going to eat it!

Ben: (After just walking in from a friends house) Oh, Kathy made a chicken pasta dish. Hmmm, I should have eaten there when they offered.

Jon: Mom, our lunch lady cooks way better than you.

I called Dave at the lab and told him to stop at McDonalds on the way home.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Mothering 101 What not to do.

There are certain things that can make you feel like a loser mother.

#1. I had to call poison control in behalf of Sarah. The Poison control lady on the other end of the phone actually laughed at me for the reason of my call. I think it should be in their contracts not to laugh at mothers who are already stressed.

#2 This is what I found when entering the the dinning room. Just in case your curious those are ping pong net posts.

#3. Jonny came home from school very excited that he was "Frog of the Week. " Because of this, he got to take items from home to show at school. I was mortified that the day had already passed and he had taken a tennis ball and a broken sword from the dollar store.

#4. I bought ten boxes, oh yes, you heard me right, 10 boxes of Twinkies and Zingers this week. I have a total excuse because they were on a huge sale. I don't however have any excuse for giving Sarah a Zinger for breakfast.

I am sure all of you who had previously, in case of your demise, thought of leaving your children in my care are re-thinking that plan.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Call Me Scarlett

When I first moved here I had many posts showing the fun items I was finding in our new home. Who can forget the Horse Lice Remover, the weired Disco rabbit, the antler rack, or many others. One I forgot to show was the guest rooms fabulous curtains
Oh, I know you're jealous. What a blessing they turned out to be. Last night I needed to wear a traditional Mexican costume. Well, since we are a long way from Mexico, and a Party City, I channeled my inner Scarlett O'Hara and created my own costume.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Fear of the mushroom

Reasons I chopped my hair this week.

#1. There is only so long you can look like Pocahontas, before you feel like you really do belong in Montana.

#2. Someone here told me my hair has a "barbie complex." I am not sure what this means but I think it is bad.

#3. Since there are many days during my week I truly don't expect to see anyone besides Sarah, I have gotten into the habit of braiding my hair down both sides. This makes me look like a Polygamist from Eldorado. (I must clarify Eldorado because I know many of the Polygamists here, and they are way cool and have better fashion sense than I do.)

Reasons I am not posting a picture of the new doo.

#1. Truthfully I fear ridicule, I know what you are thinking.

"Jill, we would never make fun of you for your hair. We reserve that for still not understanding how the pump house and irrigation from the ditch in your yard works after living there a year."

The real reason is that when I was young, I did have a hair cut that made me look like a large mushroom. In fact, my older brothers and I believe that some of you Phillips used to call me Fungi. Hence, now you will all just have to be curious on what my new look is. Although I thought you would all enjoy a glimpse of the Fungus look.