The gift of Hell-wench

For months I have been hearing the saga of Hell-wench. Hell-wench is a mean, temperamental cow. To our friends she is the Bane of their existence. She breaks through fences, disappears for months on end, sleeps around with other cows then comes back pregnant.
Neighbors are always calling complaining about her breaking down gates and causing havoc amongst the good little cows. So, a couple of weeks ago, I was told that Dave (the owner of the problematic cow) spotted Hell-wench in a neighbors field. He did not hesitate but took out the gun (because everyone carries guns here in their cars) and shot it on the spot.
Last week when this family came delivering Christmas treats, instead of getting the same old fudge, popcorn, and cookies we were given a box of "Hell-wench." Seriously, I have never been so excited over a Christmas treat or should I say Christmas Meat .) ha ha ha.

The phone will soon ring.

I am awaiting a few phone calls this morning. HMMM how should I proceed. I have a feeling this is how it is going to go.

Secretary: Hi Mrs Ravalli?
Me: Actually it's Revel----whatever Yes?

Secretary: It appears that your son(Insert name) is not here with us today.
Me: Yes, I have decided that since you are all Potter-scrooges, I am keeping my son home today.

Secretary: Well, I know that Christmas is in two days, but school is still in session.
Me: It is important that we eat cookies and watch Ralphie say Fudge, Fred Astair dance drunk, and Clark electrocute a cat instead. (Watch Clark on TV. Don't buy the DVD and think it's okay for your 10 yr old boy. Learned that lesson the hard way.)

Secretary: Oh, I see. You're the same mom who claimed "Harry Potter Hangovers" right?
Me: Yes, and by the way in the words of Shaggy and scooby-do, you are all Lame-tastic and Suck-tacular. Merry Christmas and HO HO Ho to you.

Or maybe I should just watch the caller ID and not answer the phone

Humility is not our strong suit

I do believe that the last month in Hamilton has been "The Revelli Show." We have been in charge of numerous ward events. Seriously, the ward can't be nearly as sick of us as we are. On Sunday;
Dave spoke in Sacrament Meeting;
Family did musical number complete with the boys singing solo's and Jonny doing sign language;
I taught Relief Society;
I served Hot chocolate and cookies;
We announced that a "Meet the Santa party" is at our house tonight(due to the fact that Santa couldn't make it to Jerusalem because of a sand storm.)

Anyway, through-out the day people would come up to Jonny and say things like:
"Oh, you were so good! It was so great! Yadda yadda yadda!" Jonny would then answer with a point of his finger and a click of his tongue:
"Yep, I'm good" or "yea, that's me!"
When the Bishop turned to Ben and said how wonderful his solo was, Ben then pointed to his own face and said,
"Yea, this is going to be a money-maker!"
It's good to have self confidence...Right?

I hate K-mart

Oh yea, I had previously decided not to trash on K-mart only because of my very happy Halloween find. I am sorry K-mart execs, but that ship has sailed. I am in desperate need of Candy Cane Oreos. Yes, the cookie that will change your life, and even though there is no "Bed, Bath and Beyond" to kill a few minutes of your time, life can still be good through these happy morsels of deliciousness. Yet, I have been to every grocery store in town and my final hope was K-mart. After the red vested girl said, "I have never heard of those," I went home and tried Nabisco.com and I even got so desperate that I typed into Google: "Please help me find Candy Cane Oreos in outer darkness." Needless to say nothing popped up.

Furthermore, I know my friend Kristy is reading this thinking "I just sent two boxes home with her for her FAMILY for Christmas." Sadly to say they did not survive the plane ride home.

There should be a warning label.

There are certain things that I just can't do. First, I can't seem to close a cabinet. Ask my mom, it really is a childhood problem. Even after knocking myself out in Denver once, I still struggle with the concept. Secondly, I would rather step over something, or kick it out of my way before I pick it up. Seriously, how many times do I have to step on the feared LEGO, or even worse the GREEN ARMY MAN before I learn? Well my lesson came last week. I was walking barefoot(the worst) when I came upon what looked to be a half eaten candy cane on the floor. I then went to kick it, only to realize that it had glued itself to my floor, and in turn cut the bottom of my foot. There really should be a label on the box "Warning if half eaten by two year old and left on floor to harden, might cause bodily injury." I think I will write the company.

Traffic, Sushi, and Friends

Oh, Blessed traffic, sushi, and friends--how I have missed you. I just got back from such an amazing weekend in Denver.

Traffic: I was so overjoyed at being back in Colorado that it didn't even phase me that 2 people honked at me on Parker. I then realized I was only going 15 miles an hour just looking at the Chinese theatre and thinking how happy their popcorn was.

Sushi: I was only there for a few days but I managed to eat this:

And this:

and a very happy burrito thing from a restaurant called something like Cafe Viarda, or Cafe vista or cafe something. Anyway, it was the stuff dreams are made of. Ask Michelle for the name of the restaurant.

Most importantly I went for this.
We were able to surprise my all time favorite 40 year old.

The Sprinkle Tragedy

If you want to be my friend you should buy me sprinkles. I take great pride in my sprinkle collection. "Oh a new Scooby-Doo movie is on, luckily I have Mystery Machine sprinkles." "It is such a blustery day. Let's whip out the Winnie the Pooh sprinkles." Anyway, it is totally understandable that yesterday I lost it with this person.

Now, I know part of this is my fault. After all, I have been very busy building Bethlehem in my great room (more of that to come) so Sarah did not get as much attention yesterday as needed. I found her on a chair next to my sprinkle cabinet. She had poured out most of my sprinkles into one soggy mess of a bowl. So, if you are my visiting teacher or just want to be my friend I am in need of tie-dyed daisy sprinkles.

Better than Wheat

We take food storage very seriously in our home.

Black Friday Woes

I have always been a fan of Black Friday. Well, I decided today that I would try to be a glass half full person and start looking at my options here in small town Montana........ Just so you know, it wasn't pretty. I finally gave up when my last hope (Walgreen's) had this on their website for their black Friday sale

Only $89 So if I happen to fall and break my hip before Friday, I am set. Woo Hoo!

Harry Potter Hangover

I know what you are thinking... "Jill, you need a Halloween therapist. It's over!!" I know, I know. However, we did not dress up last night because we were mourning the loss of Halloween. We dressed up to attend the midnight showing of Harry Potter.

The night started with me realizing that Dave could have a fall-back job as a Tattoo artist.

The boys drank more Pepsi than child services would prefer, consumed lots of popcorn, and were even asked by total strangers to take their pictures. They even won 2nd place in the costume contest taking home the "Golden Snitch."



By 3:30 a.m. we all crawled into bed dreaming of chocolate frogs and butter beer. While checking the boys into school very late today, I had to list the reason they missed their first 3 classes. I thought honesty was best so I signed "Harry Potter Hangovers"

I will never Trash Kmart again.

The goodness of Halloween just keeps coming. I have always complained that the only store we have is a run-down K mart. I had to go today out of necessity and I was immediately drawn to the Halloween section to see what happy items were on clearance. All of a sudden the trusty red-vest-wearing K mart specialist came up and informed me that "EVERYTHING HALLOWEEN WAS NOW 90% OFF!" Can you say HOLY CRAP?!! She changed the signs while I started just grabbing stuff and sticking it in my cart.

Do I really need (or want);
Realistic bloody swords: NO, but they were only .75 cents. I bought 3 of them.
A new doorbell, that happens to have screaming on it: No, but come on .50 cents.
10 Halloween table cloths: Well of course I will need them for a party someday .49cents
Then of course I got tons of wonderful napkins, plates, werewolf makeup etc. Oh and just in case I need one in the future, I got a huge "Whoopy cushion" costume. Oh, happy day. I took a picture so that I can look at it one day when I am cursing K-mart for not having hot glue sticks.

Highlights of Halloween

It would be hard to decide what is my favorite part of Halloween. Was it the Tele-tubby? Or maybe it was the fact that due to modern technology, a picture of the tele-tubby was downloaded from Facebook and placed all over a high security government lab. (Thanks Trav, it made me very happy.)

It could have been Dave, Sarah, and I all going as the Potato Head family to our ward party. ( I still cannot believe I never got a picture of that and I doubt after the Tele-tubby inscedent that I will ever get Dave to put on a costume again.)

Or perhaps it was Jonny, who threw fire balls at everyone who asked who he was.

I'm all talk

I like to complain a lot but I really have no desire to fix what I complain about. For instance, the boys just finished a football season. I couldn't believe how crazy the coaches were. I heard things like:

"When you hit him, he better stay on the ground."
"Take him OUT!"
"What kind of girl hit was that?"

Even so,I have no desire to coach sports myself. Can you imagine me yelling:

"Good job boys! Just have fun and after I will make cotton candy."

My sister on the other hand sees a problem and tries to fix it. Jen was just elected to the school board yesterday and it inspired me to start "putting my money where my mouth is." So, I will now be coaching football next year..... Ha Ha Ha, just kidding. I will cheer Jen on from the sidelines and try to complain a little less.

GOOD JOB JEN!!

Have Ya Heard of Harry Potter?

One of my favorite things about our small town is the Halloween parade downtown. All the kids arrive in costume and go from store to store collecting candy. I was shocked how many people had no idea who Nate and Ben were.

Some of the guesses were kind of funny.

"So are you guys that vampire guy?"
"Oh cute twins" (That was kind of right)
" They are both dressed up as the Pope" HUH?

Either my costumes weren't as obvious as I thought, or this town is full of Muggles.

Does life get better than this?

Oh the joys of Halloween. Last night I got Dave to dress up as Mr. Potato Head with me and tonight I realized his love knows no bounds.

I only wish Susan Montgomery could have seen Dave tonight in her creation. It's not everybody who can make a full grown Teletubby costume.

5 Days and counting

There have been so many things over the last of couple weeks that I really should have written about, but with Halloween just a short week away, I had to prioritize. I mean seriously, who wants to sit at their computer when they could be making a Jello Brain mold.

Don't try this at home

We have a serious lack of good pizza places here. Because of this we have been forced to start creating our own. Ben suggested that we make a pizza with all of our favorite breakfast foods on it. I think the worst part was the baked eggs on top of soggy hash browns. Yea, we won't be doing that again.

Rabbit Stew?

It was only a year ago that I went into my grocery store and saw the "Rabbit meat sale." I then did what all Hamiltonites do. I took a picture of the sale sign with my phone and sent it in a text to everyone I know. I couldn't believe they were selling rabbit. On my way home tonight, I passed a house that had a large hand painted sign by their driveway saying "Rabbit Meat sold here." What does it say about me that tonight I was thinking "Do people make soups out of rabbit, or is it a casserole ingredient?." Who knows, in four more years I could blog about the most fabulous Rabbit stew I made for dinner. Ok, so maybe I won't go that far.

I knew he was gifted.

Dave has many gifts. One of them is that he can fall asleep anywhere. When we were first married we were having couples prayer. (we used to do that when we were newly-weds) Now, while HE was praying it all of a sudden got very quiet. I thought "Oooh, look what a spiritual guy I just married" then he started to snore. It's a gift to be able to fall asleep on your knees when you are saying prayers.

Yesterday, I picked up Jonny from school. He was soo excited because he had been awarded the "BEST RESTER" award. Yep, that is talent. I asked his teacher what that was, and she explained that he loves nap time and doesn't move off his rug. I told you he was gifted.

The song of the heart is What?

For the last 5 weeks I have had the job of leading the music in sacrament meeting. We rotate every month so I only have to do it every 6 months. The last month didn't go as well as I would like.

1. "Nearer my God to Thee" : Leaving Sarah in the boys care was a big mistake. Half way through the song, she escaped and ran for the stairs to join Dave and I on the stand. While we were singing, Ben pulled her by the ankles down the stairs causing lots of entertainment for all around.

2. "There is a green hill far away" : Again Sarah escapes, gets sidetracked on the way up the stairs to the big window, runs over and opens curtains, letting light into the chapel.

3. "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd" As I stand to lead, organist leans over and informs me the G key is not working. Song sounds very odd since G is played in every chord.

4. “With Humble Heart” As I stood to start leading, the gentleman who had just said opening prayer (who is in his mid eighties) leans over to me and says, "You know you have a cut up the back of your skirt. It's ok though because you have good legs."

Ahhhh good times.

Happy Halloween

Halloween is the best holiday ever. Yes, I'm sorry Mr. St. Patrick, and groundhog you just can't get better than cob webs all over your house and candy that looks like puke from Oriental Trading. ( I know you're jealous ) Anyway, on our quest for Halloween happiness, I am off to the big city. (If you can call Missoula the big city)
Today I will start trying to put together Jonny's costume. He has decided to be Baby Bowser, a weird turtle thing from Mario brothers. It doesn't stop there. He really wants to be Baby Bowser who is dressed up as a robot for Halloween. He thinks Baby Bowser should be able to dress up too. I asked him if I could make a robot costume, and then he could imagine he is Baby bowser underneath the costume. It was a no go. Dave has also agreed to dress up with me. We are going to be Mr. and Mrs. Potato head. I can't wait! Here are a few of my favorite past Halloween costumes. Woo hoo, only 26 more days

Conference quotes

While watching the third session of conference, Ben came in and sat down. He then asked:
"So,what quarter are we in?"

Right before we started the fourth session Jonny said,

"Are we still watching General Grevious?" (he's a bad guy in "Star Wars" just in case you didn't know)


Ahhh, I love conference weekend

I am now a believer in 4H

I wasn't a huge fan of 4H in high school. This could be because all the students who belonged to 4H were from Hilliard (A suburb of Evanston.) Now don't get me wrong, I love Hilliard. In fact I have Hilliard roots. My grandma Hatch is from Hilliard. But whenever I passed a kid from Hilliard in the hall at school, I always felt they were looking at me and saying "I could totally take you in a dark alley, or at least hog-tie you and leave you for dead." So, I was never involved in 4H.

Well, earlier this week one of my favorite people in my ward stopped by to drop off a little treat. No, it wasn't cookies or bread but BACON. Oh yea, all of their kids are in 4H and had just butchered a pig. Seriously, how cool is that? If you know me well, you know I love two things; Sugar and Bacon. So, I have decided that maybe I should make my kids join 4H after all.

He'll know if I throw away Dave's ugly T-shirt

Every time I do laundry I sense something is watching me. Then I remember, Oh yea, the weird porcelain cow head is staring at me. When first arriving here, I thought maybe it was some kind of soap dispenser or something. After close examination I realized that it is just a cow head. Weird.

I haven't apologized soo much since I shattered the sink at Taco Time

I wasn't on my A game on Wednesday. Here are a few of the apologies I had to make between the hours of 2:28 p.m. ( my time) or 2:45 real time and 5:30 p.m.

To Ben: I am soo sorry I read the wrong time and was 25 minutes lake picking you up from school.

To Daly Elementary: I am sorry I am such a loser and left my kid in the parking lot.

To Jonny: I am sorry I forgot you as well.

To Washington Elementary: I am sorry, I am not a spaz mother who never picks up her kindergartner.

To Charise: I am sorry, that when you called and told me that Jonny was still waiting to be picked up, I tried to convince you that you were "up in the night" and you had the wrong time.

To Trieste: I am soo sorry I was supposed to pick up your kid as well, and was 30 minutes late.
I am further sorry that on a day when you needed my help, the school called you, and asked why no one was there to pick your child up. Hence, you ended up having to pick her up.

To Nathan: I am sorry you were the last to be picked up on my frantic speeding trip through the town. It was only when I realized that I had been looking at the paused time left on the microwave instead of actual time.

To Dave: I am sorry, you were called by middle school to pick up Nate, because your wife was making cookies, looking at the wrong time.

To Ben: I am sorry you missed making the scarecrow for the festival because you were 30 minutes late to scouts because I was 30 minutes late getting you.

To all of the scouts in Ben's troupe: I am sorry that in my frantic behavior trying to get all my kids, I forgot to bring the scout snack.

To girl at Walgreen's: I am sorry that when running into Walgreen's after running back snack to scouts, my son knocked over your vintage bicycle and broke the seat off.

Ok, so maybe I wasn't on my B game either.

I'm all about Relocation

Ya know, some animals are meant to be free in the wild. (Like house cats) Others are meant to live at home. We spent last weekend in one of the many beautiful canyons that surround us. Here is where we relocated about 20 very small frogs.Seriously, Why would you want to live here?
When you could live here. In a small box, in my kitchen. I wonder if the cat is equally as happy.

I think I stole my neighbors cat

It seems like I live in my car between the hours of 3 and 8. Yesterday I packed Sarah into my very cool mini van and headed to get Ben from school and deliver him to scouts. After arriving at scouts, I opened the back door to get Sarah out. I screamed as a large black cat shot out of the car like it's tail was on fire. After the shock of being scared to death by a demonic cat, I had to start thinking of where this cat came from.

Worst case scenario: It's my neighbors cat, and I catnapped him and delivered him all the way across the valley and released him into the wild.

Best case, and one I have chosen in my mind: It's the scout leaders cat, and he simply jumped in and jumped out. Yea, that's it. I talked to the leader and she does have a black cat.
Although, so does my neighbor, and I haven't seem him all morning.

3 Boys 3 New Schools

All three boys started new schools yesterday.

Nathan: Is now a big bad middle schooler (SCARY)
Mom: What was your favorite part of the day?
Nathan: We had a salad bar at lunch!

Ben: Transferred schools from the "Little House on the Prairie" to the one down the street.
Mom: Ben, what was your favorite part?
Ben: Blueberries for lunch

Jonny started Kindergarten, his teacher looked as old as the Beehives in our ward.
Mom: Jonny, What was your favorite?
Jonny: I had a HUGE chicken nugget on a bun!

Do you think my boys are a little tired of Ramen or mac and cheese for lunch?

The greasy coating makes it go down easier.

Certain foods are mean't to be deep fried, such as Snickers, Twinkies, Twix, Oreos, and cookie dough. Life doesn't get better than a good deep fried Twinkie. Last night we had a bunch of the youth over to deep fry our favorite foods when Ben happened to mention his new teacher. The majority of kids started yelling things like,
"Oh, she's the devil,"
"She never smiles,"
"Ohh, she is soo mean."
So, poor Ben has this for his teacher, and is still stuck with "Scary Pitbull man" as his football coach. It might be a rough year. Maybe we should start deep frying on a daily basis.

Happy Anniversary Montana!

I know it seems like yesterday that we packed up all our belongings and headed north (way north) to just short of the Arctic. We have camped, hiked, and channeled our inner Brad by fishing all the rivers. Yet, there are a few things which everyone told us "Oh, yeah, you'll get used to that." Yeah, that's not happening.

Example: You're driving down the road singing along with the radio when you turn 90 degrees (this happens when driving) and all of a sudden the radio channel changes. I took notice today on the way to football practice ( a highlight of my day. NOT!) when my radio changed 8 times mid-song. It's like an unintentional game of name that tune. It makes you soo mad you want to scream. So I have decided for year number 2, I will no longer listen to the radio. This will improve my anger issues and make driving more enjoyable. If any of you would like to send me a mixed CD, I would appreciate it.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Hey, my little town is all over the news tonight. I wish it was something like:
"Small town finally gets a Wendy's."
"Wal-mart opening in last town untouched by Sam's goodness."
"Crazy little-league coach can't figure out who keeps egging his car."
" County in Montana changes name due to the fact that Jill can't handle the jokes, or getting calls for the Credit Union every day."


Sadly, it is because one of my favorite things about living here is on fire. I am praying that the wind stops and they can get control. Trust me, you don't want to see me if all of a sudden, I have no stores, no restaurants, and no famous view of the mountains.

Nectar of the Gods

Dave takes his Pepsi consumption very seriously. That is no excuse for the scene I recently found in my kitchen, after coming home from a meeting.

Bedazzled part 2

Ok, next time you mention to" Crazy- mom- with- bedazzled- football- Hat," that you think that the coach is a little too intense for little league, make sure they are not married first.

It's time to buy a Bedazzler

Nate and Ben started playing football this week. Now, I am all for kids being involved in sports and yada yada yada, but man, they are a little intense here! The coach, who I now call "Scary Pit bull man," was screaming orders, barking commands, and basically causing me a massive anxiety attack. I turned to the other mother sitting by me on the sideline and said. "He seems kind of intense for little league." She turned back totally disgusted and said "Well, this IS FOOTBALL." I then noticed that she was wearing a hat that had a bedazzled football on it. Well, I want to be a supportive mom so maybe I should start bedazzling my clothing.

Fun Finds bathroom edition

I'm a big fan of frogs, like Kermit and Uncle Jake but I really don't want them all over my bathroom. It took me 9 long months before I changed the upstairs bathroom. Now, if any of you happen to have this same shower curtain, I apologize. However, you definately need therapy.

What would Ruby think?

One of my only "claim-to-fames" is that my dinning room table once belonged to one of my all time favorite General Authorities, David B. Haight. Thanks to the fact that his grand-daughter couldn't take it to England when she moved, I totally won! I mean four different prophets have eaten on this table! How cool is that? I recently decided to re-cover the chairs because they really needed it.

This is how the chair looked when President Hinkley sat on it.

Then I re-covered them as soon as I got them. This was the "Denver" era.

Finally I just re-covered them again, but I had a friend say she thought they looked like they belong in a brothel. Huh? That is not the impression I want Ruby to have when she looks down on her dinning room chairs from heaven.

All things in moderation

You know the situation. You've been grocery shopping, your tired, and you just want to put all the groceries away and sit down with your king-size, Reeses Peanutbutter Cups and watch last nights episode of cupcake wars. You open your freezer and then you realize your husband has a problem. I understand his excitement. I mean steak is cheaper than chicken here but come on, Dave, where am I going to put my cookie dough ice cream?

Cloudy with a chance of Candy

When I was little I always wanted wall paper like in Willie Wonka ( The good one, not the one that scares me and leaves me rocking in the corner. ) Anyway, he had that cool wall paper you could lick and it tasted like strawberries and such. I also always wanted it to rain candy. Well, this year at our Checketts reunion, we didn't get to lick someones wall, which after thinking it over, is kind of gross. We did, however, have candy fall from the sky. It was every kids, and my fantasy come to life. A huge thanks to Uncle Mike, uhhh I mean "Maverik," and Aunt Lisa. Soo super cool.

Call me "Goose"

My first decade of life happened in the 80's, good music, "Star Wars" and my mom even cut my hair in the popular "Dorothy Hamel" (Not pretty when you have super thick hair. Hence why my brothers all called me Fungi."

Anyway, my favorite movie of the whole decade was "Top Gun" especially the flying scenes. Now, I realize that the volleyball scene is also entertaining but since I was usually playing with my scratch and sniff Strawberry shortcake doll I never noticed. I was thrilled over the weekend when my Uncle Mike (Who will now only be known as "Maverick") invited me to go up into his two man airplane and do some tricks. Great balls of fire, it was so dang cool. I would be looking at the sky, then all of a sudden I was looking at the ground. Some with weaker stomachs might have lost it right there but due to the training I received being pregnant 4 times I held it all in. It was truly awesome. As soon as we got home last night, I wanted to go watch "Top Gun" again, luckily I had no desire to cut my hair to look like a giant mushroom.